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Do you sing in the shower?
Um, I know that’s kind of personal and
you don’t need to tell me what kind of
soap you use but the point is, do you sing there
but nowhere else? I ask only because I know that
there are people out there who feel, well, incompetent
at certain skills. Singing is a common one. Public
speaking is another. Sports, cooking, electronics,
home improvement, fashion, and let’s not
forget origami, are other areas where the taunts
of childhood acquaintances, spouses and co-workers
can breed a sense of insecurity that can haunt
people their whole lives.
Yeah, origami. Hey, my suburban neighborhood
was tough.
Me? I’m a guy who actually likes to sing
in public. Sometimes I even get paid for it (insert
punchline here). Public speaking? Hah! I have
three words for that: Bring. It. On. You see,
there aren’t too many things that will
send me curling into fetal position with embarrassment.
Except one. I can’t draw. Never could and,
I dare say, never will.
I still can’t figure out why I didn’t
take an art class in high school. Of course,
I never took a shop class, either, but that’s
because the girls with the tattoos frightened
the living shop-lights out of me. And those were
the teachers. As for the art department, perhaps
I didn’t want to get oil paints on my “My
Mother the Car” lunch box. Who knows? At
any rate, I can’t draw. Anything. Let me
put it this way. The game “hangman” is
way, way beyond my abilities.
That’s where gardening comes in. You’ll
note that to this point I have not mentioned
the words “gardening” or “plants” or
anything like that, which makes my publisher
and my editor very nervous. They’ve obviously
never listened to my radio show. Anyway, the
big bucks in gardening don’t come from
growing plants or digging up yards or running
nurseries or writing gardening columns or even
hosting radio shows. Non, non, non, mes amis.
The big bucks are in design. Which means drawing.
Which means count me out. Until now, that is.
I have discovered computer programming and computer “big
gardening bucks” software. Which I am going
to try out on you. I went to my favorite Virtual
Gardens R Us computer store and picked up a little
disc that lets me do the drawing that has so
far stunted my adult emotional growth. You pop
it into the computer, click a couple of buttons,
and even a jamoke like me can turn out this kind
of award-winning drawing:
All I can say is, look at that design and weep,
folks. Martha Stewart, I’m right behind
you. Hmm, that didn’t come out exactly
right.
 Mike
Nowak’s “Let’s Talk
Gardening” radio
show airs
on WGN-AM
720 from
6-7:30 p.m.
each Saturday
unless
a sporting
event is
being
aired. Find
out more
about Mike
at http://wgnradio.com/shows/gardening/index.html.
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